As many of you know, on December 10, 2014 my doctor placed hardware in my foot to try and fuse the foot because of some pain I had been having. The plan was to be non-weight-bearing for 6 weeks, then go to partial-weight-bearing for 6 weeks and then finally be full-weight-bearing.
So, *I* had it all planned that *I* would be back on my feet right in time to work at camp and then on the weekends, *I* would look for a job and get one all lined up for after camp. Then *I* would work through my senior year of high school and save money so *I* could pay for college.
But...if you hadn't noticed, there are a lot of "*I*s" in that last paragraph and no mention of doing anything through God's strength. Don't ever do that...I know from experience that that doesn't work and it's painful.
I'm going to be blatantly honest here. From December 10, 2014 til this last summer, spiritually I was not ok. I was ok on the outside but on the inside, I was a mess. Most of the time I did my devotions and was active in my church because I knew that that was the right thing to do...that's how I was raised. I wasn't doing it because I had a desire to draw closer to God. My mindset was: "Yeah, I'm saved but...I can handle this...I don't need God's constant guidance." Now, if I would have realized what it was going to take to change my mindset, I would have changed my mind right then and there but...it took five surgeries, almost a year's worth of time in a wheelchair/on crutches and many spiritual wake up calls before I realized what I was doing and that I needed to turn back to God.
I'm so thankful for the patience that God has had with me over the last two years. I don't know where I would be today if it wasn't for His constant care and mercy. Even throughout the time when I wasn't focused on God, He provided the money for my first year of college and through that I have grown and learned so much more of Him. I can't thank God even for being patient with this rebellious lump of clay.
I pray that through being blatantly honest in this post, that this will encourage some of you and maybe even prevent someone from turning their focus away from God. It is when we go through the darkest times in our lives that we need God the most. Don't do what I did and turn away from God in the midst of trials. Run to Him and see what He is going to do through the trial.
~ Ruby James
