Isaiah 55:8

Isaiah 55:8

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, 

neither are your ways my ways, 

saith the Lord."

     Over the last few weeks I have been meditating on this verse and how God has worked in my life over the last 3 years. I have come to the conclusion that I am extremely thankful that God's ways are not my ways. If I would have known all the health struggles - the pain, the surgeries, the doctor visits, the hospital visits and stays, the medications and all the emotional and spiritual breaking - that I was going to go through my junior and senior years of high school, I would not have had that 17th surgery. But, if I would not have gone through those surgeries, I would not be the person I am today. 

     Before God broke me, I had my life all planned. Going into that first surgery, I had it all planned that I would be 6 weeks non-weight bearing, 6 weeks partial-weight bearing and then I would be full-weight bearing in time to work at camp. Well, after we found out my foot was infected, my plans crumbled. Eventually, I trusted God to get me back on my feet but once the end of summer rolled around, I had my life all planned out...again. I got a job and did the math. I had it all figured out how many hours per week I needed to work and what percentage of each paycheck needed to be put away in order to go to college. But, again, it was my plan and not God's plan. So again, God had to break me. I sincerely believe that if I would have trusted God to plan out my life, I would not have had to have surgeries #20 and #21. 

     It took 5 surgeries for me to finally break and see that God has a perfect plan for my life. Since God is the Creator of the earth and He created me, He has every right to do whatever He needs to do to get ahold of you. For me it took 5 surgeries. I pray that you do not have to go through trials to realize that you cannot plan your life out. Realize that God is God and you are not and let God plan out and direct your life. 

     This post has been long in the making but this summer I finally realized what God taught me. I cannot thank God enough for all He taught me during my junior and senior years of highschool. It was not until this summer that I actually stopped and thought about what God taught me. I think I can honestly say that I am thankful for those two years and how God broke me. 

How to accurately sum up...

As I sit here thinking about how to to accurately sum up the year 2016, the first thing that comes to mind is God's patience. Truly though, the theme "God's Patience" has summed up my life since my first surgery on my foot on December 10, 2014.

As many of you know, on December 10, 2014 my doctor placed hardware in my foot to try and fuse the foot because of some pain I had been having. The plan was to be non-weight-bearing for 6 weeks, then go to partial-weight-bearing for 6 weeks and then finally be full-weight-bearing. 

So, *I* had it all planned that *I* would be back on my feet right in time to work at camp and then on the weekends, *I* would look for a job and get one all lined up for after camp. Then *I* would work through my senior year of high school and save money so *I* could pay for college.

But...if you hadn't noticed, there are a lot of "*I*s" in that last paragraph and no mention of doing anything through God's strength. Don't ever do that...I know from experience that that doesn't work and it's painful. 

I'm going to be blatantly honest here. From December 10, 2014 til this last summer, spiritually I was not ok. I was ok on the outside but on the inside, I was a mess. Most of the time I did my devotions and was active in my church because I knew that that was the right thing to do...that's how I was raised. I wasn't doing it because I had a desire to draw closer to God. My mindset was: "Yeah, I'm saved but...I can handle this...I don't need God's constant guidance." Now, if I would have realized what it was going to take to change my mindset, I would have changed my mind right then and there but...it took five surgeries, almost a year's worth of time in a wheelchair/on crutches and many spiritual wake up calls before I realized what I was doing and that I needed to turn back to God. 

I'm so thankful for the patience that God has had with me over the last two years. I don't know where I would be today if it wasn't for His constant care and mercy. Even throughout the time when I wasn't focused on God, He provided the money for my first year of college and through that I have grown and learned so much more of Him. I can't thank God even for being patient with this rebellious lump of clay. 

I pray that through being blatantly honest in this post, that this will encourage some of you and maybe even prevent someone from turning their focus away from God. It is when we go through the darkest times in our lives that we need God the most. Don't do what I did and turn away from God in the midst of trials. Run to Him and see what He is going to do through the trial. 

~ Ruby James 

Psalm 91:2

This is my verse that I have chosen to cling to through this surgery and recovery time. 

The Lord is *MY* refuge, *MY* fortress and *MY* God. I will put my complete trust in Him. 

My Plans Are Not His Plans

*I* am going to work at Hardees all school year.

*I* am going to save enough money to go to college.

*I* am going to graduate in May.

*I* am going to work at camp this summer.

*I* am going to go to college this fall.

This was my mindset all this last fall. *I* had my senior year all planned out...or so I thought.

That was until December 16 when my doctor called with the news that my foot was infected...again. I had to quit my job at Hardees and have the first of two surgeries on January 13th. The first surgery, they removed the infected part of the tibia and replaced it with an antibiotic-filled cement spacer. They also put a central line in in order to give me intravenous antibiotics for 6 weeks. That surgery was followed by a second surgery this last Wednesday in which they removed the cement spacer and replaced it with a rod and four screws.

Throughout these last three months, the Lord has been teaching me trust. Before I found out my foot was infected again, my whole mindset was "I am going to do this. I am going to do that." I wasn't trusting the Lord at all, I was trying to do everything in my own strength. Then shortly after I found out my foot was infected, the Lord brought to mind Jeremiah 29:11-13 which says:

"For I know the thoughts I think toward you, 

saith the Lord, 

thoughts of peace, and not of evil, 

to give you an expected end. 

Then shall ye call upon me, 

and ye shall go and pray unto me, 

and I will hearken unto you. 

And ye shall seek me, and find me, 

when we shall search for me with all your heart." 

The Lord has really been teaching me to trust in Him for everything. Many people have asked me if I still plan on going to Ambassador for college this fall and how I'm going to pay for it. Honestly, I have no idea where the money is going to come from. I have enough money in savings to pay the first payment in June but beyond that, I don't know. Yes, I have thought and prayed about maybe staying home for a year and working but every time I do, the Lord brings Ambassador back to the forefront of my mind. I am not able to go back to working fast food because of the amount of stress it puts on my feet and the Lord hasn't shown any other job options. Right now I am just trusting the Lord and if He wants me to go to college, He will provide the money and if not, He will show me what else He wants me to do.  

I am praising the Lord that my plans are not His plans and am looking forward to what else He has to teach me through the rest of this recovery time. Prayers would be appreciated as I spend the next six weeks in a wheelchair and then have six weeks of partial weight bearing before I am completely back on my feet. 

Theme Verse & Quote

This last Sunday my uncle did an overview of 1 Peter in Sunday school. I had been looking for a verse to claim through this time and as soon as Uncle Eric read this verse, I knew God had written it just for me. "...Let him glorify God on this behalf." That phrase really struck me...God does everything in our live's for a purpose...but it is our choice how we respond. I have decided that no matter what happens with my foot, I want to glorify God with how I live and respond.  

I have been reading Cary Schmidt's book "Discovering Your Destiny". (I would highly recommend this book to anybody looking for a good solid book on discovering what God wants you to do in your life.) As I was reading the chapter on going through trials and how we are to respond, this quote stuck out to me. We won't enjoy every situation that God places us in but God has a purpose for everything. The hardest part is trusting him and knowing that there is a purpose and a lesson for us to learn to grow and mature us into who He wants us to be. 

This is my theme verse and quote as I go into surgery #20. Please pray as I go in for my medically induced nap at 10:45am. I will try my best to keep everybody updated. 

(Thank you to my dear friend, Ashley, for these beautiful pictures!)

He's Already in *My* Tomorrow...

I have a Father, the Master of time

He holds the world in His hands

He looks from Heaven and sees where you are 

Arranging your life in His plans

Preparing you now, unfolding the way

To all your tomorrows and whatever you face

He's already in your tomorrow

He's walking one step ahead 

Whether it's joy or it's sorrow

He'll do just what He said

He'll never leave you lonely 

In the land of the great unknown

He's already in your tomorrow

Don't be afraid, keep pressing on

Often you struggle, looking ahead

Dreading tomorrow it seems 

Embracing the present, forgetting the past

Giving up on your dreams

You're stranded between your faith and your fear

Yet no matter the conflict, the future is clear 

He's already in your tomorrow

He's walking one step ahead

Whether it's joy or it's sorrow

He'll do just what He said 

He'll never leave you lonely

In the land of the great unknown

He's already in your tomorrow

Don't be afraid, keep pressing on

As many of you already know....this last Sunday, my ankle swelled up really bad and the wound on the back of my foot was red and warm to the touch (all signs of infection). Monday morning Mom and I went up to Shriners right away to get it checked and my doctor ordered labs and an MRI to be done. Thankfully, we were able to get in for the MRI right away on Monday afternoon. My doctor told Mom and I that he would call us back on Tuesday with the results. Well, Tuesday came and went with no word from my doctor... He called back today and the MRI showed that there is a bone infection that has been festering for some time. I don't have to have surgery right away but I will be having surgery shortly after Christmas. He is going to have to remove part of the bone and fill it with a cement filler. I will also have to have a pic line put in and receive IV antibiotics for quite a while to stave off any other possible infections. 

The song "He's Already in Your Tomorrow" is a song that a friend played on the way to church tonight. It has been a year and six days since my original surgery on my foot. I thought my foot was fine...I'm a senior in high school, working, serving in my local church and just loving life but...God must have more lessons for me to learn. Am I worried about the upcoming surgery and recovery time? (the time most likely spent in a wheelchair...unable to be a "normal" 18 year old) Yes!! But God is one step ahead of me and knows everything that's going to happen. No matter what happens, it is in God's Will and He has a purpose for it. 

~Ruby James Mikula 

Till The Storm Passes By

It all started on December 10, 2014 when at 8:00 in the morning I was taken back for surgery. The plan was to fuse my ankle to help with some of the pain. My doctor took a piece of bone from my hip and put it in my foot along with a plate and seven screws. I was admitted for surgery Wednesday morning and then went home Saturday evening. For the next 6 weeks I was wheelchair bound. That drove me nuts. But what I didn't realize was that I would be wheelchair bound for a lot longer than just 6 weeks.

So, the 6 weeks passed and I went to the doctor on January 22, 2015 to have the cast taken off. When they took it off, the back of my foot along the incision line there was all this black goop yuck. That was not a good sign. My doctor sent me off for an x-ray to make sure everything internally was fine. He looked at the x-rays and everything looked fine internally. Doctor's orders were to do wet-to-dry dressings in hope that the dead tissue would adhere to the gauze when it was wet and then when we peeled it off once it dried, it would de-breed the wound. I wasn't too worried about it after all, my doctor said I could finally walk!!! We went home and did that for about 2 1/2 weeks.

Then on February 9, 2015 Mom was doing the normal routine dressing change when the foot started to smell and the part that was supposed to be healing started to turn white and was all mushy and gross. We took a picture of it (of which I will not post on here for the sake of my friends with weak stomachs) and sent it to my doctor, he called and said that he wanted to see me right away Tuesday morning. Tuesday morning Daddy took me up to Shriner's and my doctor decided that the best thing to do was to surgically de-breed it and put a wound vac on it until it healed. On February 10, 2015, Mom, Daddy, Jimmy and I headed up to the hospital for surgery #18. Around 9:00 they took me back to do the surgery. When I came out, I was hooked up to this little machine about the size of a large print Bible with a tube that came from the back of my foot. The tissue had died all the way to the bone and hardware, which is about 4 centimeters deep. A couple days later we found out that there was an infection in the foot so I was put on antibiotics until it was healed all the way.

I was hooked to the wound vac 24/7 for almost two months when they decided that the hardware that they had put in my foot was the culprit and it needed to come out. So, on April 8, 2015, I had surgery #19 to have the hardware taken out of my foot. When they took the hardware out in surgery, the bone was all slimy with infection so they had to take part of the bone that they had put in there out and they had to scrape the rest of the bones to make sure they got all the infection out. Then, I was hooked back up to the wound vac but...this time I could put about 30 pounds of pressure on it!!! Enough to hobble around with crutches. It was amazing to see how fast my foot shrunk back down to normal size after the hardware was out and the infection was cleaned up. I was very excited to get home as I had plans with friends for the following Monday night but, then the cultures came back. The antibiotic that I needed to take to get rid of the infection had to be either given through an IV or it was $200 a pill and....of course it was the weekend so there was no way to get it approved through insurance. So....I couldn't go home Sunday. Monday morning my doctor did rounds and then I got ready to go home. Around 9:00 in the morning, Daddy called to tell us that insurance had approved the meds and he had them in his hand so we could come home!!!! (I hadn't moved as fast as I did getting ready to leave since before surgery!) Mom and I packed up, I took my IV out and we went home. It was so nice to be home. We went to the dentist and then home to rest before I went up to camp to hang out with some friends.

Then about 2 weeks later, on April 24, 2015, I went to the doctor again to get the stitches pulled out and have a wound vac change. The depth of the wound in my foot had gone from 4 centimeters to 2 centimeters in a little under 2 weeks! But, the best part was when my doctor said that I could put full-weight on my foot. There is no way to describe in words how happy I was. After not being able to walk since December, it was wonderful (and felt a little weird) to put weight on my foot again.

I will just say, the last 138 days have probably been roughest I have been through and I wouldn't of been able to make it through without the help of God and all my wonderful friends and family. I just want to thank you for all the phone calls, texts, messages (facebook, skype, google+), presents, prayers, chocolate, and all the notes that I have received. I am one blessed girl to have so many friends and family that have been with me (whether physically or in spirit) through this whole process.

Tonight in church we sang "Till the Storm Passes By":
 In the dark of the midnight have I oft hid my face,
While the storm howls above me, and there's no hiding place.
'Mid the crash of the thunder, Precious Lord, hear my cry,
Keep me safe till the storm passes by.

Till the storm passes over, till the thunder sounds no more,
Till the clouds roll forever from the sky;
Hold me fast, let me stand in the hollow of Thy hand,
Keep me safe till the storm passes by.

Many times Satan whispered, "There is no need to try,
For there's no end of sorrow, there's no hope by and by"
But I know Thou art with me, and tomorrow I'll rise
Where the storms never darken the skies.

Till the storm passes over, till the thunder sounds no more,
Till the clouds roll forever from the sky;
Hold me fast, let me stand in the hollow of Thy hand,
Keep me safe till the storm passes by.

When the long night has ended and the storms come no more,
Let me stand in Thy presence on the bright peaceful shore;
In that land where the tempest, never comes, Lord, may I
Dwell with Thee when the storm passes by.

Till the storm passes over, till the thunder sounds no more,
Till the clouds roll forever from the sky;
Hold me fast, let me stand in the hollow of Thy hand,
Keep me safe till the storm passes by.

When we sang this song tonight, the third verse really hit me: "Many times Satan whispered, "There is no need to try, For there's no end of sorrow, there's no hope by and by." Oftentimes over the last 138 days I have asked "Why me?" or "Why can't my foot just heal so I can be up and move around and live like a normal 17 year old?" I don't know now why God has brought me through this and is continuing to send me through it but I believe that one day He will show me exactly why. It might not be in the next few weeks, months, it might be years from now. But one day, He will show me why He sent me through this trial. Although I am not completely out of the storm yet, God will sustain me and bring me through the rest of this trial. And I want to thank all of you that have prayed and have been so loving and kind to me and my family through this.

Love your sister in Christ,
Ruby James